


This is your life

by wanderingsmith



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4983601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingsmith/pseuds/wanderingsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney gets a glimpse of what *could* be</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Barney

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em.
> 
> as part of a conversation, was reminded of these ads from the 80s for Freedom 55  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQezUN-e0go  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUr9aNqyzbg
> 
> oh. and this? totally inspiring http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/02/i-am-a-90-year-old-bodybuilder and http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/27/ernestine-shepherd-bodybuilder_n_5037892.html

Barney was sitting in the hangar, pretending to clean the Albanian mud from every crevice of his spare, but really watching Lee walk away with the rest of his team.

When his surroundings disappeared and he was suddenly standing in a sunny, wood-paneled kitchen, patio doors open to a treed yard to let fresh morning air in.

And watching a tanned and cut, but definitely old man in short cutoffs sway from fridge to counters, unbuttoned age-thin shirt billowing around him, whistling a [tango](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG0Q530daGI).

Shaking his head, he muttered, "The hell.." Then the old man turned and, seeing his face, Barney's breath caught in shock, "Wait- you're.."

The old man grinned knowingly, "I'm you at 90."

Barney stared as the older man with wild white hair longer than he'd let his be in decades turned to lower the burner under the pot of boiling water and eggs before setting to arranging meats and cheeses on a cutting board. "Since when do we whistle around the kitchen?"

90-year-old Barney turned with the loaded board and an unrecognizably happy grin stretching the wrinkles out of his slightly too-thin-looking skin, making the red chafe marks on his cheeks and chin stand out like flags to confuse Barney. "Since we started taking dance lessons 5 years ago."

"Dance lessons??" Barney's voice rose in disbelief, turning to watch the man barely less built than *he* was set his board on the table, already crowded with jams jars, buns, *two*.. plates, a steaming *tea*pot.. and- "Those flowers from dance lessons too?" He only noticed there'd been the sound of a shower when it cut off as he finished asking the sarcastic question, a queer tension in his chest that he couldn't explain and that left him wanting to snap and snarl. 

The old man gave him a still slightly smiling but firm look that Barney knew he'd used all his life to put rowdy people in their place, "They're from Lee. Who's kept a couple roses and a candle on our table since the night he proposed, 23 years ago."

Shock blanking his thoughts, Barney heard light steps and stiffly turned his head to see an older Lee come through the doorway, still damp from his shower. An unmistakable hickey high on the side of his neck. And a god so fucking sweet smile aimed first at the table, and then turned on-

The silent, dark hangar reappeared around him.


	2. Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee's turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gizmo13 asked for Lee to do some time travelling too.
> 
> And no, I have no more intention than the advertizers did of offering a science fictional explanation for the travel.

Watching Barney head to the bar for another round, Lee frowned with the confusion pulling him back into the quiet hurt of the last few days. 

He'd been trying to get his stupid heart used to the idea of forgiving and forgetting Barney's stupid mistakes and settling back into being his friend, but he kept backsliding. And wondering how soon it'd happen again. 

How soon he'd be back to sitting and trying to imagine how to rebuild his heart and his life.

And now Barney was acting a whole different kind of weird; looking all kinds of wistful and confused like *Lee* was the one to fuck them up. And that *hug*. That was *not* a Barney Ross slap on the shoulder! Hell... Barney'd held the grip way past... Wasn't that Lee *minded*. Just.. Was hard enough to police himself when he knew what Barney's borders were. He turned back to the table when he saw Barney start to turn back toward him-

And was standing in a treed yard in late afternoon. 

Spinning around, wild-eyed and looking for god-knows what, he came face to face with... "The hell..." 

The feathers he'd started noticing around his eyes the last decade or so had changed to deep grooves; and the cheek-crags on the old man facing him seemed to smile permanently. But there was no denying. "You're-" 

"You. Yeah."

Lee's eyes flicked down. Wincing a bit at how weird his body looked with the skin looking so obviously 'old', he muttered, unsettled, "Since when do we garden?"

"When Barney decided the reason his tomato sauce didn't taste like his nonna's was that she grew her own ingredients," Lee's older self rolled his eyes, though the grin that went with it was predictably way too fucking fond, "Turns out it actually does taste better," he shrugged, "Makes working in the hot sun even more worth it."

About to rag the guy for getting roped into work for Barney that sure as hell hadn't been in the contract, wistful that it at least meant they were still working together and friends so many years later, Lee froze as his older self turned around to casually throw the fork to plant itself in one of the squeaky-clean walking paths between rows of god-knows-what taking up a third of the little yard.

His throat felt rough as he made himself speak, still staring at the man's back, "Nice tat." The almost ethereal wings rippling from the waist of the man's shorts, all the way up to his shoulders, wrapped faintly around him as though in protection, tried to tell Lee's eyes a story he wasn't sure he could let himself believe. 

"Thanks," his older self's soft grin as he glanced over his shoulder looked way too much like one Lee felt on his face regularly. As familiar as the rough mix of colours making up the kind of huge inkings *Lee* had never had any reason to get. 

"Had it done for our first anniversary."

The boisterous bar reappeared around him to the sliding sound of a patio door opening behind old-Lee.

And *his* Barney was standing in front of him with a raised brow and holding out a beer.

The neck of his shirt open just enough for an edge of familiar colour to show.

'Our anniversary.'


	3. I kept searching for something more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snapshots

"Christmas?"

The rough question snapped Lee out of his mental loop, and his eyes jerked up to meet curiosity in Barney's. He reached for the bottle even as he searched that familiar gaze for.. something. He hadn't let himself consciously dream in a hell of a long time; too damn hard to come back to the reality. But.. that weird behaviour, lately. 

That *hug*!

And now.. 

No. No, Lee wasn't crazy: that old wall was *not* there! He wasn't sure what the hell he was reading, other than some faint worry, but Barney wasn't remotely as closed as he'd always been. Lee had this strange thought that he could reach through those dark eyes, right now, and actually touch his heart-

It was a crazy thought. And Lee should know better.

But the image of the tats riding Barney's shoulders curling out and up, and sweeping in to wrap Lee closer.. had him closing the step between them and reaching his free hand around the back of Barney's neck.

The cynical part of him waited to have his arm knocked off, but he wasn't going to let that hold him back, this time. If he could reach the man's heart, could maybe, by some miracle, soothe some of the pain that rode there... It'd be worth it. It *would*.

The taste of beer wasn't quite enough to overpower the hint of iron leaching from not-fully-healed cuts on both their lips. And that was enough to make sure he knew *exactly* what he was doing. Which he might have forgotten with the hesitant kiss back he got instead of the resistance he'd expected.

\----------

He never got around to asking what had really made Barney open up and let him in, that night. Sometimes it'd cross his mind, especially when the subject of old missions would come up and would send him back to the years before; but he wasn't going to waste this precious time second-guessing the past. 

He was just *damn* glad to have today, he thought as he stared across the yard to the open gate leading out to a path that ended in the Gulf licking at a strip of sand. It was a small house: cozy. Smaller yard, even with the trees along the back being so young. But the no-longer stylish wood finish everywhere had sold them. Looked like Lee was going to be part owner of a house.

\----------

He was driving home from yet another late afternoon trip to the hardware store for more caulking, more nails, drywall, trim... He was going to rag Barney, *again*, that he'd *told* him they shoulda just bought a skid to start!

Bopping his head to 'But it could buy me a boat', tapping the wheel of Barney's precious Ford to 'It could buy me a truck to pull it', he knew he was happier than he could remember being. Almost a year since he'd looked up to see the joy his future could hold; and had grabbed onto it with both hands. 

Hadn't been easy; Barney wasn't the only one who'd spent a lifetime alone. And the partial lifetime they'd each spent exchanging snarks and bitting quips didn't make cooperating on such peaceful endeavours as assembling shelves and BBQs particularly easy; or quiet. Their disagreements on how to fix the cracked siding lasted through three ops.

But even if they didn't have sex every night, they always made out, when they were home; and almost always found a way to fall asleep at least touching each other.

Even when they spent the afternoon practically snarling at each other across the living room while working on their *very* separate projects, Lee would end up sipping his beer stepping around Barney as he put supper together in the kitchen.

It was nothing like the life he'd had just a couple years ago. The life he'd resigned himself to having until he was too slow to duck.

It was a far greater gift than he would *ever* have believed could come to one such as him.

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were."

Waiting on a red light, the words slipped through the too-fond memories and jerked his attention to the radio to hear, in something close to shock, that the yanks' high court had stepped in on the recently popular topic of gay marriage. 

Wasn't until the car behind him honked that he even realized he'd gotten lost in his own mind.

Marriage. 

Was a time he'd planned to be part of that institution. Little as it'd gotten his mum, he knew it was expected. Knew it was the 'right' thing to do. 

He was just glad he'd come to his senses before reiterating the offer; no matter how much he'd doubted himself after Barney had turned his back on him.

But this... 

He was still a couple blocks from the house when he took a quick left to a store he'd never really noticed before.

\------------

If someone had told him that the sight of Lee kneeling in candlelight that night, with a rose and ring and a plan crazier than any the Expendables' commander had ever come up with, would bring such a look of shocked, vulnerable pleasure to Barney's face that Lee's breath would catch, even years later, he would have called them idiots.

Barney's suit had dated back to disco, which had been less surprising than the pink shirt he wore with it. But he'd looked *damn* good, and Lee'd been glad he'd made the effort to go out and buy himself a slick number with the way his husband kept smoothing hands over him during the ceremony and evening in a private dining room a friend of Ceasar's rented them.

He barely remembered, a year later as he sat in Tool's chair listening to the buzz of the needle, seeing the wings now being prickled into his skin stretched across the tanned back of a peaceful old man. The gesture was only for Barney having allowed Lee to shout him down from another rash decision after they'd all gotten singed when Barney didn't expect some crazy bitch to start a forest fire around herself just so the Expendables would burn with her.

\------

Barney was always doing small things that never let Lee doubt his love: regular glances, no matter where they were, teasing that somehow never got Lee's back up, fancy meals and surprise snacks. Thinking of things to make sure Barney knew he was loved too kept Lee's mind more than busy enough. 

And often kept his arms busy. Since he'd wanted it to be ready by the time Barney got back from his full day's round trip to get some old Harley he'd found, the garden patch Lee dug up wasn't as big as he'd planned: turned out the grass in their yard was *damn* stubborn about getting dug up!

But it was enough. They didn't even bother expanding it that year; just planted tomatoes, peppers and a bunch of funny herbs and waited to see if it was worth it. 

Though it already was, to Lee. He'd never have guessed Barney knew anything about growing shit, but listening to him start to ramble all soft and fond about old memories of his nonna's overgrown yard left him smiling helplessly; even though he hardly recognized half the names or concepts. 

At least the first year.

\------

_But by the time they celebrated their 20th anniversary doing a slow waltz (Barney'd been dragging him to those dance lessons ever since Gunner'd died from cancer a year after Toll had a stroke and they'd all been feeling left behind) on the deck of their sailboat (Lee's idea, after Barney's right knee stiffened up too much to ride a bike), Lee was the one who took care of the roses (to make sure he always had some to put on their table), and he knew more about aphids and deadheading and fertilizer than the old guy at the garden store (the last time Barney'd tried to point out Lee was older than that 'old' guy, they hadn't gotten out of bed until well past noon!)._


End file.
